Tuesday, December 23, 2008

A Festivus for the Restofus!

We will begin with the Airing of Grievances.

Brian Michael Bendis: I have got a lot of problems with you. You managed to ruin many of my favorite characters. Strangely, these were also some of your favorite characters! You're shittin' in your own den! You should stick to your own original stuff. You do less damage that way.

The Economy: I understand your need to crash, but dammit, I went on the academic market in the very months you decided to bend over and start sucking. Couldn't you have waited one more year, until my salary was protected?

Barack Obama: Oh, don't think just because you're the President that you're immune. You're the busiest man in the world and you still find time to work out three times a week. A paparazzi catches you shirtless on the beach and Adrianna Huffington's drool endangers New Orleans.  Do you know what this means? It means I have to start going to a gym, that's what this means! Presidents are supposed to be guys who are older and fatter than me! And IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

We will resume later this evening with Feats of Strength. The Rock is going to use a sledgehammer on Dick Cheney's head. Bring a plastic sheet.

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